An Uncomfortable Bed

One fall, I went to stay with some friends at a big house in Picardy during hunting season. My friends liked to play tricks, like all my friends do. I don’t want to know people who are different.

When I got there, they treated me like a king, which made me suspicious right away. We had some really good hunting. They were very friendly to me, as if they thought they would have a lot of fun at my expense.

• suspicious (adjective) – Feeling that something is wrong or that someone is likely to do something bad.
• at my expense (phrase) – In a way that causes me to be the object of ridicule or to suffer loss.

I told myself:

“Be careful, old man! They are planning something for you.”

During dinner, everyone was laughing a lot, too much, in fact. I thought: “These people are having too much fun, and it doesn’t seem like there’s a reason. They must be expecting some fun. For sure, I’m going to be the one they’re playing a trick on. Watch out!”

All evening, everyone was laughing in a way that seemed too much. I felt a trick coming, like a dog feels prey. But what was it? I was alert, uneasy. I paid attention to every word, every meaning, every gesture. Everyone seemed suspicious to me, and I even distrusted the faces of the servants.

When it was time for bed, everyone in the house walked me to my room. Why? They said to me: “Good night.” I went into the room, closed the door, and stood there without moving, holding the wax candle in my hand.

I could hear laughter and whispers in the hallway. They were surely spying on me, I thought. I looked around the walls, the furniture, the ceiling, the decorations, the floor. I saw nothing that made me suspicious. I heard people moving outside my door. I was sure they were looking through the keyhole.

A thought came to me: “My candle might suddenly go out, and I would be in the dark.”

So, I walked over to the fireplace and lit all the wax candles on it. Then, I looked around again but found nothing suspicious. I walked slowly around the room, examining it carefully. Still nothing. I looked at each piece of furniture, one by one. Still nothing. I went to the window. The shutters, big wooden ones, were open. I closed them very carefully, then pulled the big velvet curtains closed and put a chair in front of them so that I would have nothing to worry about from outside.

• shutters (noun) – Solid covers for windows, typically made of wood, that can be opened and closed.
• velvet (noun) – A soft, plush fabric often used for curtains and upholstery.

Then I sat down very carefully. The chair was strong. I didn’t dare to get into the bed. But as time passed, I started to think I was being silly. If they were watching me, as I thought, they must have been laughing a lot at my fear while they waited for their trick to work. So I decided to go to bed. But the bed looked very suspicious. I tugged at the curtains. They seemed secure. But still, there was a risk. Maybe I was about to get a cold shower from above, or maybe the bed would drop under the floor when I laid down on it. I remembered all the tricks I’d seen before. And I didn’t want to be tricked. Oh no! Definitely not! Then, I had a good idea: I carefully took hold of the side of the mattress and very slowly pulled it towards me.

• tugged (past verb) – Pulled something sharply or with effort.

The sheet and the rest of the bedclothes were pulled away. I moved all these things to the center of the room, facing the front door. I made my bed again as well as I could, far from the bed frame and corner that worried me. Then, I put out all the candles, and feeling my way in the dark, I got under the bedclothes.

For at least another hour, I stayed awake, jumping at the smallest noise. Everything in the big house seemed quiet. I fell asleep.

I must have been in a very deep sleep for a long time, but suddenly, I woke up with a start because a heavy thing fell right on top of me. At the same time, a hot liquid was spilled on my face, neck, and chest that made me cry out in pain. I heard a loud noise, as if a cupboard full of plates and dishes had fallen over.

I felt like I was being squashed by the heavy thing on top of me, and I couldn’t move. I put my hand out to see what it was. I felt a face, a nose, and whiskers. Then, using all my strength, I hit this face. But right away, I got hit back so hard that I jumped out of the wet sheets and ran in my nightshirt into the hallway. The door was open.

• squashed (past verb) – Pressed or crushed something with force.

I was very surprised to see that it was already daylight. The noise made my friends come running into the room. We found the scared servant man lying on top of my makeshift bed. He had tripped over the bed while bringing me my morning tea and fallen on his stomach, accidentally spilling my breakfast all over my face.

• makeshift (adjective) – Something used as a temporary replacement.

My efforts to avoid trouble by closing the window blinds and sleeping in the middle of the room had only caused the very thing I had been trying to prevent.

Oh, how everyone laughed that day!

THE END